If you have problems with anger on the golf course you predictably have a similar style off the course when faced with adversity. If you are going to change your behavior on the course you must first change your behavior off the course.

Keep a diary of your feelings of anger and frustration as well as those times when you express anger. Your anger follows a set pattern, believe it or not. Record the date, day, time and situation in which the angry feelings and or behavior occurred. Write down what your thoughts were. You will begin to see patterns of situations and thoughts that both precipitate and fuel your anger. Now you are ready to develop both a reactive and proactive anger management program.

A reactive anger management program is used once you catch yourself getting angry. A proactive anger management program is one you do to become aware of the internal state that precedes anger sooner and to prevent anger altogether. A goal to eliminate anger from your life is unrealistic. A goal to manage your anger and to lessen the frequency and intensity is very realistic.

Practice deep diaphragmatic breathing and related relaxation strategies. (See the audio CD of relaxation strategies on this site.) The physiology of anger is one of intense physical arousal that includes rapid shallow breathing and breath holding. Diaphragmatic breathing and similar relaxation strategies are techniques to help you quell an anger episode and to make you aware of anger as it begins to build. If you are practicing relaxation strategies throughout the day, you will become quickly aware of the altered breathing rate and the tension that builds with anger.

The discussions you have with yourself are called internal dialogue or self talk. When you get angry it is not something that occurs without thought. In fact it is your thinking about a past event that drives your anger. Recognize these thinking styles as they begin to appear in your diary. You can do all the breathing and relaxation you want; if you don’t change the conversations you have with yourself, you won’t change your state of anger and frustration. You have a style of dealing with past events when you experience what you perceive to be adversity or a loss of control. It is a style of dwelling on this past event that heightens your anger.

People whose thinking goes to the past are angry, frustrated, embarrassed, feel guilty, remorseful, sad or depressed. People whose thinking is future oriented are excited, overwhelmed, nervous, anxious or panicked. These internal states share a similar pattern of physical arousal. This internal state of arousal creates poor performance, not to mention the wear and tear on your nervous system and internal organs.

People who reside mentally in the present experience life to the fullest and have the greatest performances. Athletes call this mental state the ZONE or FLOW STATE. You have experienced it before. It is those days, on or off the course, where you feel relaxed, nothing seems to bother you, you are totally focused on what you are doing, you are confident and you have your best performance. Everything you do is effortless. When something goes wrong, you handle it without a second thought and you are right back to the present, enjoying your day or your round. You don’t dwell on the past nor do you worry about the future. You have your goals and you go about the process to those goals one step at a time as you accomplish them.